Digital-First Leadership

Narrator: 

Welcome to Digital First Leadership. 

Narrator: 

The podcast that focuses on helping leaders and teams understand how to master the language of social  media in today's digital first world. 

Richard Bliss: 

Welcome to the show. I'm your host, Richard Bliss, and you're listening to Digital First Leadership. And  today I'm joined by my co-host and guest today, Lia Bliss. Lia, welcome 

Lia Bliss: 

I'm the guest. 

Richard Bliss: 

Thanks for being on this show. 

Lia Bliss: 

Absolutely. 

Richard Bliss: 

You have been the co-host at times, but this time we're here because this is a special episode to talk  about you. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yay. 

Richard Bliss: 

And to talk about something that you have done quite remarkable recently, and that is the publishing of  a book. 

Lia Bliss: 

Published my first book. Very exciting. 

Richard Bliss: 

Tell us a little bit about that. What's it called? And what's it about? 

Lia Bliss: 

So it's called Everything is Your Fault. Which I feel like is the perfect hook for everything that the book  talks about. Everything is Your Fault - Understanding the Six Pillars to Unlocking your Bliss Life. 

Richard Bliss: 

Oh, I like that. That Bliss life. You slipped in-

Lia Bliss: 

If I learned anything from my father, it's you have to put your name and everything you do. 

Richard Bliss: 

Well only if your last name's Bliss. 

Lia Bliss: 

Only if your last name's Bliss. 

Richard Bliss: 

Right. So the Bliss life. So this is fun. Yes, I am your father. But yes, you also are a member of our Bliss  Point team. And so as you wrote this, I found it intriguing because I've known you your whole life. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes. 

Richard Bliss: 

And yet what's something that every parent does is they approach a point where the child that they  knew is far in the past. And they have to come and reconcile the adult that person has become. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yeah. I think that's your second adulthood. I think the first adulthood comes when you, as the child,  recognize that your parents are just humans who make decisions that you are allowed to agree or  disagree with. And in the second adulthood is when your children now become adults. 

Richard Bliss: 

Yes. They become adults. And in this case, you've written a book, it's a very adult book. And at this  stage, especially because you're the mother of my eight year old grandson. And I appreciate you very  much for that. 

Lia Bliss: 

You're welcome. One and only grandkid. 

Richard Bliss: 

Yep. 

Lia Bliss: 

Favorite daughter. 

Richard Bliss: 

But we're talking about Everything is Your Fault, right? 

Lia Bliss:

Yes. 

Richard Bliss: 

And you talk about this bliss life. So let's dive into it. When you say everything is your fault, that comes  across in some ways a bit negative. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes. And I address that immediately in the book. Everything is your fault, that either fills you with pride  because you look around at the life that you've created for yourself. And this is all my fault and look at  me, I did it. Or you look at all the things that you did that are your fault, that you are not so proud of and  you kind of wish you could blame on someone else. 

Richard Bliss: 

Got it. And that's one of the things I think you point out in the book is that being able to focus on this,  oh, it's their fault, their fault. That's one of the key things that really you have to address, right? 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes. 

Richard Bliss: 

Is taking ownership for that. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes, the radical accountability for your actions. 

Richard Bliss: 

Hey, that does not come easy to people. 

Lia Bliss: 

No, it's not easy. 

Richard Bliss: 

No. Everybody wants to be the hero in their own story. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes. 

Richard Bliss: 

And if you have to do radical accountability sometimes that 

Lia Bliss: 

You're the villain.

Richard Bliss: 

You're the villain. How do you deal with that? 

Lia Bliss: 

Well, that's a whole element of psychology and of just self-awareness. I mean, your self-reflection a lot  of times it's called your shadow work. Or just elements of you that you're not necessarily very proud of.  And I often reference this concept of like your internal moral compass. Where yes, lawful good, Captain  

America. There's the rules, we follow the rules, that's lawful good. But there also comes a time when we  have to really live within the sense of, if I look at the things that I'm doing, do I feel in or out of  alignment with my internal moral compass? Am I doing things that when I think about them, they give  me the ick, they give me the cringe. Because I know in my heart of hearts that's not aligned with good.  Or am I, for the most part, operating in my life in that direction, following that internal moral compass? 

Lia Bliss: 

And until you can reconcile with the parts of your life that give you the ick, that make you feel like,  "Gosh, that's a regret because I did a bad thing." Even if it's not technically bad. Even morally bad, if you  feel bad about it, it's something we have to look at and say, "Okay, why did I do that? How can I move  past feeling bad about it? Where can I give myself a lot of grace and love?" And then just like we have to  treat our own children, with that childlike love and acceptance. We have to treat ourselves with that  same childlike love and acceptance. "Hey, you messed up. It's okay. I still love you. It's fine." But  speaking to ourselves in that way, it feels uncomfortable and it's not very normal. We don't normally  speak to ourselves that way. So it's a little bit of shift in how we view our past decisions. And then start  taking the opportunity to learn from those and make new decisions moving forward. 

Richard Bliss: 

Well, I love the fact that you use the term lawful good, basically a D&D Alignment term. 

Lia Bliss: 

I love that. The alignment. I love that. Right? You've got lawful good, you've got chaotic neutral, you've  got chaotic evil and everything in between. You can be a neutral good, you can be neutral evil. I love the  Avengers ones because Captain America, lawful good. He follows the rules, he knows what they are.  Language, he's lawful good. But then on the other hand, and I'd have to look up what ... I mean, I'm sure  dozens of people have assigned the characters. But then we've got like the Hulk, he's kind of like chaotic  good. 

Richard Bliss: 

Right. 

Lia Bliss: 

Because he's not really following the rules, but he generally is on the good guy side and then Loki 

Richard Bliss: 

Yeah, Loki's chaotic. In the beginning, chaotic evil. But Thanos. 

Lia Bliss:

Lawful evil. 

Richard Bliss: 

Lawful evil. He follows very specific rules. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes. 

Richard Bliss: 

And he does very bad things. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes. But it is a strict code that he lives by. You can bring in examples like Dexter, the serial killer series.  Right? 

Richard Bliss: 

Right. 

Lia Bliss: 

He's got the code, but it's not necessarily like he's doing good. 

Richard Bliss: 

Right. 

Lia Bliss: 

But it's his code, lawful evil. 

Richard Bliss: 

So in your book, Everything is Your Fault. You identify like six pillars. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes. 

Richard Bliss: 

Six things that help you achieve this, what you call, the bliss life. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes. 

Richard Bliss: 

It's not the blissful life. 

Lia Bliss:

No, bliss life, your bliss life. And the six pillars really represent six relationships that you have to maintain  to keep balance within your bliss life. And I think of it as six pillars kind of holding up your life. And if one  of those pillars gets too tall or you neglect one of them, you start to tip. And things begin to slide and  you're not centered in your life. 

Lia Bliss: 

The six relationships ... and when I train this or when I coach to this, I always ask someone, "Okay, what  do you think the six most important relationships in your life are?" And they say things like, "Oh, my  significant other, my kids, my parents, maybe my friends." And shockingly enough, that's only one of  them, that's just the people in your life. But the six pillars, the first one is yourself. Rarely do people ever  think of their relationship with themselves. Then it builds onto the relationship you have with your  higher power, whether you're religious, spiritual, whatever. Even if you don't believe in a higher power,  you can still believe in the highest version of yourself. And how do you build a relationship with the  highest version of yourself? Where you are living that bliss life. And how do you reconcile with the  information there. 

Richard Bliss: 

Or a higher power for some people could be the environment. Or a higher power could be society.  Those could be possibly higher ... I mean, it doesn't have to be an individual, it doesn't have to be God. 

Lia Bliss: 

Right. 

Richard Bliss: 

It could be something more nebulous. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes. Yes. Very nebulous. What is your relationship with your higher power? I would argue that maybe  society wouldn't be such a great one because for the most part 

Richard Bliss: 

How about humanity 

Lia Bliss: 

Humanity, right? The greater good 

Richard Bliss: 

Yeah. 

Lia Bliss: 

As an idea. Yes. Because really the relationship you build with your higher power, is this tapping into  greater goodness? 

Richard Bliss:

Yep. 

Lia Bliss: 

And building that. And then we have your tribe. And I broke your tribe down into kind of the five people  you most surround yourself with and then the larger collection of humans you interact with. 

Richard Bliss: 

And that's where you get the people start rattling off their spouse or their 

Lia Bliss: 

Right. 

Richard Bliss: 

Children or whatever. 

Lia Bliss: 

Right. Yeah, think about who you spend the most time with. Is it your spouse? Your children? Even  sometimes your coworkers that you've got good relationships with. But for the most part, it's people  you choose to allow into your life. And how are your relationships with those people? Are they  supportive of you? Are you dragging them towards success with you? Like take a look at that. And then  it goes into kind of your network, which is your relationship with your career and then money and time  management. 

Richard Bliss: 

Let's back up. Money because that's the 

Lia Bliss: 

Money. 

Richard Bliss: 

So your relationship with money, what do you mean by that? 

Lia Bliss: 

So Jen Sincero, she wrote You Are A Badass and You Are A Badass at Making Money. She talks about the  idea of the relationship with money being similar to a relationship with a good friend. And if you think  about how are you spending time with someone or how are you spending your money? There's a reason  that those phrases are so similar. Because if you had a friend that you were always expecting to be  around for a good time, but never investing in that friendship, you're going to lose that friendship  because you're taking more than you're giving. 

Lia Bliss: 

And the same thing with money. If you are just using your money for fun, if you are not being  responsible and investing your money, if you're not investing in the future of your money and your financial welfare and educating yourself on money. It's not going to be a great relationship and you're  always going to struggle to attract, find and keep significant amounts of money in your life. 

Richard Bliss: 

Just like you would have difficulty attracting and keeping a significant person in your life. 

Lia Bliss: 

Correct. 

Richard Bliss: 

And then the last one that sounds ... now that you've said that, the last one, time, sounds very similar. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes. How are you spending your time? What do you do? Where are you frittering away time? I mean, I  think all of us of a certain generation know that three hours later, how did I watch that many TikTok  videos? I don't know. And I was talking to someone about this the other day, well, how do you build  these relationships? I mean, how can you even know how to build a relationship with time? And it  comes down to awareness. If you don't know where your time or your money is going, if you don't know  where you're going in your career and you just go from job to job to job. You're not going to be on any  kind of path. You're just kind of floating. 

Richard Bliss: 

Interesting. Interesting. Just for me recently, as I sat down and just looked at okay, as I've been reading  the book, thinking about it, my bliss life comes a little easier for me with the Bliss name in there. But it  did, it was mostly the time and the money, the relationships are good. But that time thing, and I started  realizing that, "Hey, here's some certain things I want to do." And I wrote down in my journal, "Okay,  what are you willing to give up to get them?" 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes. 

Richard Bliss: 

Because they're going to take time. 

Lia Bliss: 

They're going to take time. And you have to ... you're not just going to find time. When people say, "I'll  find the time." You think of like digging for quarters in the couch. Like you're not going to 

Richard Bliss: 

No. 

Lia Bliss: 

You're not going to find time.

Richard Bliss: 

And so that became an interesting concept for me that, "Oh, I will give up this, this and this, all time  based. In order for me to accomplish this, this, and this. Because that's where I want to spend my time." 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes. 

Richard Bliss: 

So if I was to ask you, I'm a generation that sitting in front of the TV was viewed as a waste of time. 

Lia Bliss: 

Sure. 

Richard Bliss: 

You're wasting your time. And then I was part of a generation that got older, that sitting in front of a  video game was viewed as a waste of time. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes. 

Richard Bliss: 

So how do you address those? Are video games a waste of time? 

Lia Bliss: 

I have a personal, strong dislike for video games. I find them to be a massive waste of time. However, I  understand that ... and as I understand it. That the reward centers of the brain are triggered in such a  way and especially for men, whatever, the chemical makeup that is different biologically for men than  

women. That men tend to have more fun and get a bigger dopamine hit when they are playing video  games because of the reward cycle. Which I get. Sometimes you just need to turn your brain off, take a  dopamine hit, and then go about your day. 

Lia Bliss: 

But with everything, it comes down to ... I mean, too much of anything is a bad thing. And so, yeah, if  you want to spend 30 minutes after work playing video games and that's your de-stress time, love it. Do  your thing. I'm never going to do it. Video games make me seasick, I can't do it. The first person  shooters, I can't do it. But once that moves into ruining the rest of your life, then yeah, anything's awful.  I think that's where the real term addiction comes in. 

Richard Bliss: 

Yeah. And so all of these is these pillars that you're talking about. Because addiction could happen ... as  I'm looking at the list here, you could almost become addicted to all of them. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes.

Richard Bliss: 

Somebody who is too self-centered 

Lia Bliss: 

Yes. 

Richard Bliss: 

Somebody who's too caught up in their higher power. Now I don't mean to be blasphemous here, but  you do see those individuals who seem to have no concept of the reality of life and instead are ... well,  God will provide. 

Lia Bliss: 

Right. 

Richard Bliss: 

And it's like, well wait a minute. I thought he ... right [crosstalk 00:15:17]- 

Lia Bliss: 

You gpt to do the work. Yeah. 

Richard Bliss: 

Don't you have to do the work? Isn't there some responsibility on your part? And then we can see the  tribe to catch time with your buddies or your 

Lia Bliss: 

Your peers 

Richard Bliss: 

Girlfriends, peers. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yeah. 

Richard Bliss: 

Workaholics, a bad relationship, money. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yeah. 

Richard Bliss: 

Whichever direction it's going. Hoarding or 

Lia Bliss:

Yes. You save too much, you never allow yourself to spend your money. And you're a stickler, you're a  Scrooge about it. Or you're spending money with no regard for the tomorrow version of yourself and  whether or not you're going to be in trouble. 

Richard Bliss: 

So all of these have a balance issue that comes into play here. That too far in either direction is going to  topple that pillar, I guess is one way to look at that. 

Lia Bliss: 

Which brings that analogy. If one is far outweighed beyond the others, because you can't be both self  obsessed and a workaholic. A little bit, you can. But if you're obsessed with self-development and you  are always going to like self-development seminars and you're paying for these courses and you're doing  all this stuff, you probably aren't also a workaholic. And you're definitely not three times obsessed with  things. And so when one pillar starts to far outweigh the others, that tabletop of your life begins to tip.  And you can't have balance because one thing is so far extreme than the others. 

Richard Bliss: 

Now another portion of the book that you go into, that's very personal to me and obviously to you as  well. And that is the execution on this, bringing this all together to achieve specific things in your life. 

Lia Bliss: 

Correct. 

Richard Bliss: 

Goals. Let's talk about that. 

Lia Bliss: 

They're important. 

Richard Bliss: 

Okay. Okay, let's move on to the next topic. 

Lia Bliss: 

What part of goals do you want to talk about? 

Richard Bliss: 

Well, a lot of people don't like setting goals. A lot of people don't like setting goals and I've been told  because that leads just to disappointment. 

Lia Bliss: 

Well, yeah, if you disappoint yourself, it does. 

Richard Bliss:

Well because they didn't achieve it. They don't want to set a goal that they can't reach because then  they're going to be disappointed. Or, hey, I can't dictate how my life's going to go. And so when I set a  goal, it makes me think that somehow I'm in control and I'm going to tell my life where it's going to go. I  hear all of these excuses of why people don't set goals. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yeah. 

Richard Bliss: 

And what's your take on that? 

Lia Bliss: 

I mean, I just think that's BS. Like, "Oh, I can't do it. It's too hard." Like get over yourself. Everything is  your fault. If you can't do it, then it's because you didn't do it. Like that's tough love there. 

Richard Bliss: 

Yeah. You bring up an interesting point because language is so important here. Because if somebody  says, "I can't afford it." And I hear that sometimes, "I can't afford that." And it might be a hundred  dollars purchase, "I can't afford that." And I look at them and say, "Really? You can't afford that. You  have a quarter of a million dollars in your 401k and you can't afford this a hundred dollars payment? Or  is it, you choose not to spend your money that way?" 

Lia Bliss: 

Right. Because then it's not external, it's internal. It's not, "Oh, I can't because of external  circumstances." It's internal, "I choose not to because of my values or my goals." 

Richard Bliss: 

Now let's be fair to some of those people listening. You really might not be able to afford it. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yeah. 

Richard Bliss: 

But let's be clear that if you can't afford it, that it's legitimately, if it's a $10 purchase and you can't  afford it, okay, then you need to think about it. And I have been in that situation where 20 bucks, I  couldn't afford it. 

Lia Bliss: 

Yeah, makes or breaks you. But I used to work in retail and there would be women that came in and it  was high-end retail, it was not inexpensive store. And women would come in all the time and barter and  battle. And I think we all have horror stories from retail who've been in it. But to the degree where I  would just think to myself, you can't say what you want to say when you work in retail. But it's like,  "Really? You're going to fight me over $5 for a $90 jacket? Maybe you shouldn't be spending this money.  If $5 is worth you fighting with me over. Or if you're going to throw a fit because you can't combine your coupons and it's going to save you an extra 20 bucks on your $800 purchase. Maybe that's not worth  you purchasing. Maybe reassess what you're doing there." 

Richard Bliss: 

But they don't want to hear that. 

Lia Bliss: 

No, nobody wants to hear that. But that's kind of what it comes down to. And we're using the money  example specifically. But it's other things like, I can't work out. Oh, I can't work out. I can't work out.  Really? Because I'm pretty sure you own a patch of floor large enough to do pushups on. I'm pretty sure  that you could ... unless you physically can't, you could jog around the block. 

Richard Bliss: 

Or walk around the block. 

Lia Bliss: 

Right. 

Richard Bliss: 

As we wrap up here, I want to focus on some takeaways. Not just, okay, these pillars are great. But this  is how I'm driven, because I'm goal driven, I've had many people tell me that. What can I take away from  your book that causes me to change my behavior and achieve some things that are important to me in  life? What are the takeaways? 

Lia Bliss: 

Understanding that goals are two step process. 

Richard Bliss: 

Okay. 

Lia Bliss: 

There is the plan ... most people get hung up on one or the other. The planning step and the execution  step. And I'm a big planner, I'll plan my goals, I'll figure out exactly what I'm going to eat every day, how  much I'm going to exercise, my to-do list. And that's great, I have my plan. I made the plan, look at me,  I've been working so hard at making a plan. But how much progress have you made towards that plan?  Have you taken action on any of those plans that you've made? 

Lia Bliss: 

On the other hand, people that just are like, "I'm going to go for it." And they just do the thing with  absolutely no plan. And that's where a lot of people get burned out. "Oh, I'm going to get in shape."  "New year, new me." I really hate that. But, "New year, new me. I'm just going to start working out, I'm  going to get healthy, I'm going to eat right." But that's really the whole plan. I'm going to work out and  eat right, and then I'll be healthy. And it's the marriage of the two. You have to understand that you  need to make a little bit of planning in order to set those checkpoints.

Richard Bliss: 

Milestones. Those milestones. 

Lia Bliss: 

I went to the gym every single day for a week. That's a win. I'm going to take that win, I'm going to run  with it. No pun intended. And then you can start to see and maintain the motivation to keep going  towards that larger goal. But you can't just plan it, you have to execute on it. You have to actually do the  thing that you planned on doing. 

Richard Bliss: 

And what prevents people from executing on that? What are some of those roadblocks that prevent  people from taking that step to achieve the balance in the pillars? To achieve those goals. What gets in  their way? 

Lia Bliss: 

So the inability to deconstruct the very basic habits that are going to get them there. In the book, I go  into how to reverse engineer your life. Because you have to identify how you want to feel. You want to  feel healthy, organized, and stress free? Okay. What kind of person is healthy, organized and stress free?  All right. What does that kind of person do every night before bed? What does that kind of person do  every morning? And identify less with what do I need to do. But identify more with, who do I want to  be? And I asked 

Richard Bliss: 

Because you're ... yeah. 

Lia Bliss: 

I asked a couple of kids this the other night, I was hanging out with my son. I said, "Hey, who do you  want to be when you grew up?" And they're like, "What? You mean, what do I want to be?" "No. Who  do you want to be?" Because that is a different question. What do you want to be when you grow up?  Instead of who do you want to be? What type of person? What goals and activities and daily habits and  small idiosyncrasies make up that complete person that you want to be? 

Richard Bliss: 

I think this has been an awesome conversation about this because it is, who do we want to be, is the  ultimate question that we all need to answer, no matter what stage we're in our life. Just starting off as  an eight year old, my grandson, or approaching ... you're a senior. My mother, who's not quite 80, she  could ask that same question. We all are at some stage, who do we want to be? Because who we are in  the past does not dictate who we will become in the future. 

Lia Bliss: 

Correct. I always say, "You are one decision away from a completely different life." Richard Bliss:

Oh, I like that. We're going to end on that. You are one decision away from a completely different life.  You can find the book on Amazon or the Bliss Point website. The book is called. 

Lia Bliss: 

Everything is Your Fault - Understanding the Six Pillars to Unlocking Your Bliss Life. 

Richard Bliss: 

By Lia Bliss, a member of the Bliss Point Team. Lia, thank you so much for being my co-host and guest  today on Digital First Leadership. 

Lia Bliss: 

Thank you. 

Richard Bliss: 

You've been listening to Digital First Leadership, Lia Bliss has been our guest and she's been talking  about Everything is Your Fault. Her book that you can find on our website, BlissPointConsult.com. Or  find it on Amazon by typing in Bliss Point Press, where you'll find all the books that we publish from our  team of Bliss Point employees here. Thank you for listening. Take care. 

Narrator: 

You've been listening to Digital First Leadership, the podcast where you learn to leverage and build your  expertise on digital platforms. For more valuable tips on mastering the language of social media,  subscribe to our newsletter at BlissPointConsult.com. If you'd like to stay in touch, feel free to add  Richard on LinkedIn and join the conversation.